Sunday, 21 March 2010 {}
Blank air.. Staring into to blank space wondering exactly what to do..
Why can't we both understand each other. Why can't I seem to meet you ecpectations however hard I try?
Those aching pains you inflict on me whenever you reprimant me.. Baby... I'm sorry for having to make you suffer with such a stupid and naive me. I know quite clearly myself... We are on the verge of seperating anytime now.
Holding on to all these last few moments that we fear losing anytime.
Suffering from my charateristics, my irritating habit of not being able to speak up, to only know how to hide things and not keep to all my promises. I'm terribly sorry to cause all these.
Yet I have not done anything for this relationship.. Always acting clever and making things worse...
Dear. You don't deserve all these.. Someone else out there is meant for you.. Not me., the ways I've mistreated you si much..
I really feel that in whatever ways I try to change.. It won't help.. I don't want to add up to your problems and etc. Maybe it might be worth going through a short period of pain instead of continuously having to be bothered by our relationship.. You might feel so much better in the future..
I can't help but cry whenever I imagine life after seperating.. It feels so hard and unbearable. I dare not face up to this feeling.. How I felt for that one month.. I chose to force myself to not to think of you at all and try to adapt to another lifestyle.. I've made many mistakes too, and cause excruciating heartache once again...
Even hugging you feels so precious now. Cherishing all the wrong things.. I swallow down all those harsh words you say every now and then. Along with this I try my best not to compare how different everything was before. I dare not face the present you with such insults of me..
I'll perserve.. Awaiting for that so call sun after rain.